The Phantom Of The Burlesque House
by fuyu-no-tsuki
Summary: Written by two hyper girls at about 4AM. What do you think? -Crackfic- WARNING contains mature humor.


Disclaimer: The Phantom Of The Opera does not belong to me. He just live in my closet.

Author note: Not to be read by serious fans. I love the movie but somehow this cam about anyway.

Rated for language and implied content. Could probably pass for T but just to be safe.

The Phantom Of The Burlesque House

Part One

Dude: "One, two, three. Ok. You're done. Next!"

Nerdy girl walks in.

Dude: "One. You're done."

Girl: "But we haven't done anything yet."

Phantom: "Hey! You're not Christine! Oh no, she witnessed us! We must dispose of her!"

Christine: "Phantom!"

Phantom: "Uh, Christine, why are you here?"

Christine: "You cheated on me!"

Phantom: "It was an accident."

Rahl walks in: "You cheated on me!"

Christine: "I didn't do anything."

Rahl: "Uhhhh, Christine, I didn't know you where there...Heh, heh."

Phantom: "We must have a poke fight to the death."

Poke

Poke

Poke

Christine: "Why is there a dead girl on the floor?"

Phantom: "He did it." Points at Dude.

Dude: "One. Two. Three. What?"

Lights turn off.

Phantom: "I have your stockings Christine!"

Christine: "Why did Rahl have my stockings on? Oh! That's where my good ones went."

Phantom: "You scarred me for life!"

Dude: "Next!"

Rahl: "Oh wait, you poked me." Falls down dead.

Phantom: "I can't take it anymore!" Stabs himself Juliet style.

Christine: "Yay! I'm single again."

Dude: "One, two, three. Ok. I'm done for the night.." Looks at Christine. "Hey, you're kinda hot."

They take off on a magical carpet ride.

Kangaroo hops on. "WTF mate."

Part Two

Rahl finds Christine and Dude. "Hi Christine. What are you guys doing?"

Christine: "I was just teaching him mouth to mouth."

Rahl: "Why are you naked?"

Christine: "Uhm." To Dude. "What's your name anyway?"

Dude: "Dude."

Christine: "what's a dude?"

Emm: "It's a wart an a donkeys ass."

Kangaroo: "WTF mate."

Phantom: "Well I should get back to my wife and kids."

Everyone stares at him.

Kangaroo: "WTF mate."

Christine: "Shut up already!"

Kangaroo looks dejected.

Phantom: "Yah, you really need an new line."

Kangaroo: "Tomatoes?"

The Phantoms eyebrow twitches.

Emm: "What does this button do?"

Kim: "No!"

World explodes.

Kim: "Now you've done it. You just had to blow up the earth didn't you?"

Emm: "...Anyone want a chip?"

Collective sweat drop.

Rhal: "Can I borrow someone's thong?"

Anna: "We're done for the day so get the hell home people."

Emm: "You can stop writing now."

Kim: "Really?"

Phantom: "Someone get this makeup off me!"

Emm: "Third door on your left."

Kangaroo.: "I need a smoke."

Part Tree

Emm: "Noo!"I was just joking about all that!"

The Phantom trips over something. "OMG! It's the dagged of time!" Stares at it. "Oooo, shiny."

Child: "Do you have to go to work daddy?"

Phantom: "You want that new game don't you?"

Child: "Have a nice day at work, don't come home 'till you have enough." Waves.

Later

Phantom: "I think I hear Christine singing again. I'm going to go bother her."

Rahl: "Why are you talking to me? We're enemies. "

Phantom: "I'm not."

Rahl: "There's no one else here."

Phantom glances around. "Dammit!" Sighs. "So is Christine going out with you or Dude?"

Rahl: "I have no idea."

Phantom leaves to find Christine. Just before going onstage the string on his mask breaks. "NOOO!!!"

Emm: "You forgot to put your makeup on."

(Phantom looks normal)

Phantom: I can't let anyone see me like this! I know! I'll use the dagger of time."

Do, do, do, do. Do, do, do, do...

He goes to a store. "Why hello Clarice."

Clarice: "You broke your mask again didn't you?"

Phantom: "...Yes.."

Clarice: "Will it be the pink princess? Or the normal?"

Phantom: "Pink- No! I mean normal!"

Clarice gives him a bag.

Phantom: "Why thank you Clarice."

He uses the dagger of time to go backstage.

Do, do, do, do...

Christine starts laughing.

Phantom: "What? Did it break again?" Reaches up and feels something fluffy. "Dammit again! She gave me the wrong one." He rips it off and runs off stage.

"Oh no! I have to think of what to do!"

Anna: "I can hear you thinking! You're too loud!"

Phantom: "What are you doing here?"

Anna: "Happy hour. Why aren't you in makeup?" She sees the mask. "What's that?"

Phantom: "Ehh, nothing." Throws it away.

Christine: "You're kinda hot without your makeup on."

Phantom: "Oh no, you had your chance."

Christine: "Oh well."

Emm: "Let's cum to the bathroom Anna."

Phantom points at floor. "What's that?"

Christine: "Cum trail."

Phantom: "Eww!"

Rahl enters.

Christine sweat drops. "I thought you weren't supposed to wear speedos anymore."

Rahl shrugs. "They'll be in there a while.

"MUR!!!"

Everyone looks towards the bathroom.

Phantom: "Well, I'm going now."

They all run out the door.

Kangaroo: "I think I missed something."

Anna and Emm come running out of the bathroom screaming.

In the background you hear. "Boris is happy!"

**Footnotes!**

A lot of inside jokes.

Someday I'll do areal Phantom Of The Opera fan fic. Obviously that day is not yet here.


End file.
